Horse girl debates- Bad boyfriends, flysheet revenge, and know-it-all children

The horse girl world is wonderful… but it comes with some tricky situations your non-rider friends may not understand. That’s why The Farm House Tack staff has taken it upon ourselves to provide some humorous and heartwarming advice to horsegirl problems straight from riders on our podcast, Bit By Bit. 

In our mini-series, You Are Now Being Judged, we deal with a boyfriend who’s trying to cut down the time his girlfriend spends at the barn, a fly sheet that caused a barn fight, and a know-it-all kid causing chaos at summer camp. Join Allie and Michelle as we deliver our judgment… Because you asked for it!

Allie

So let’s start off with some relationship drama. As we horse girls, girls know, the horse always comes before your partner. So excited to see if this person agrees.

Michelle

Horses before… Horses before homies.

Allie

Love that. So when this person, let’s call her Samantha started dating her husband, she was up front about the fact that her horse takes a lot of time and he was fine with this. So off to a good start, seeing green flags, he’s not gonna get jealous of a horse yet. Again, the bar is low. But this Samantha says, when I was single, I would spend around three to four hours at the barn and he was fine with this.

But as we started dating, I cut that down. Then after six months, he told me that I spent too much time at the staple still.

And I should prioritize my relationship with him.

Michelle

Red flag.

Allie

Yes. Red flag on the play, absolutely. I don’t think it’s within his right to tell his girlfriend how much time she can and can’t spend at the stable.

Michelle

You came into this with your eyes wide open, dude. You can’t change the game halfway through the play like that’s just not how it works. You knew what you were coming into. If she was like me, there was a three-day rule if you made it to the third date, the third date was at the barn and depending on how you jive with the horse and the whole being around the barn, that was the make or break to any further relationship

If he sits there and he’s just like, “oh my gosh, it snorted, it pooped.” You know what? This is not the life for you. This is not long term gonna work for us. So let’s just cut the cord and move on.

Allie

That’s very good. Did you do that to your husband? And he passed?

Michelle

Yes, actually as a matter of fact I did. I guess sometimes the guys were like, yeah, no hard pass. And this is a horse girl and she’s crazy.

Allie

That’s smart, it’s exactly what scenario, though. Yeah. At least you didn’t waste anybody’s time. You showed them what they were getting into. And I think this girl probably should have done the same thing because she said initially she agreed to cut back her time at the stable.

So I guess there was something just so awesome about this man that he was convinced he needed more time and she let him convince her that he needed more time. So after that initial cut down, she kind of evolved into cutting down the number of days she was riding and now only writes about two days a week and the rest she’s there to do the basics, which is about half the time she was riding at the beginning of the story, so sounds like she has done what he asked, but he said that any reasonable person would sell their horse in favor of their boyfriend.

Michelle

Peace out. Peace out. Let me stop you right there.

We’re done. I’m gonna get my stuff and we’re just, this is not gonna work. We’re going. We just need to separate because this is not working. I am not here to pick up after you and be your mother and be a housewife.

Allie

Yeah, it’s ridiculous. And if I were to guess, this is probably a person that doesn’t have like a lot of stuff going on in his own life. So, you know, he’s just jealous that he doesn’t have any interest. Exactly. I mean, there you go. If you were a real one, he would get a horse and join her on the rides.

Michelle

Get a hobby. Get a cat. Get a horse. Right? I don’t see him making time to come join her at the barn, you know, doing things that she enjoys.

Allie

Yeah, there’s no indication in this story at all that he even tried to go out there and like see why she enjoys this thing so much. But that’s where the story ends is that this nightmare boyfriend confronted this poor girl and said that she needs to get rid of her horse and date him instead. What do we think?

Michelle

I think she should peace out because she’s like, if she’s looking for a long-term commitment here, she is setting herself up for a lifetime, in my opinion of misery. She just, you know, he clearly doesn’t want her to be happy or do the things that make her happy. He just wants someone who’s going to be at his beck and call all the time. And I feel like this is just a recipe for disaster. And he isn’t really what she’s not. She’s not really what he’s looking for. And he’s trying to make her be that person.

Michelle

Absolutely. Okay, you have our ruling folks. Boyfriend is cancelled. You need to let him go.

Allie

Yes, Horses Over Homies, example number one right there. All right, in our story number two, this person wants to know if they’re in the wrong for not going out of their way for someone else’s horse after the horse’s owner cut off half their show season. Now, this one I’m very interested to get your take on
because it involves a lot of barn politics and you are going to see a crucially important fly sheet in this story.

So here’s how the story goes. Our poster, let’s call her Emma is 22. She owns and trains a horse of her own. She’s gotten me to stage shows multiple times, but she has a really bad fly allergy. Because of this, she needs all the fly gear Emma can get her hands on.

And this story happened in early May, right before the show season she participates in begins. There’s another lady at Emma’s stable. We’ll call her Sarah, who works the barn she boards her horse at. She’s always rubbed me the wrong way. She’s kind of a gossip and she calls out different riding styles as bad horsemanship and equitation.

Michelle

Yeah, like seems like a pot stirrer.

Allie

So this is just not gonna be your barn bestie already getting bad vibes from her, right?

So Emma had to have vet out for her horse one day and she needed to have her flysheet off overnight. And Sarah was the only person working the next morning. So the Emma said, I’ll pay you five bucks. Throw on the flysheet before letting her out. She texted back. Sure. However when this person went to check on the horse guess what?

Michelle

No fly gear. And the horse is covered in welts.

Allie

It’s just really bad stuff and this completely ruined this person’s show season. So that’s the backstory. How would you react to something like this?

Michelle

Is she just an employee? Is she the barn manager? Because I would probably take that straight to management and be like, you know what, you’re paying the vet bills and if she works with a barn and she’s been asked to do something, she should do it without complaint because it’s her job. Regardless of how she truly feels about what the owner is saying about, you know, the horse’s actual stress level when it comes to, you know, flies and annoying things.

Allie

Yeah, right. So Emma got petty the next weekend when she was working the morning shift. She goes to let the other girl, Sarah’s, horse out to notice that he didn’t have his sheet on. He’d been shaved recently, but she hadn’t gotten any messages asking her to put it on. So she let him out.

And Sarah complains, he got bug bites while he was out there. Why didn’t you put his blanket back on? And this person feels very justified. You know, I think they’re trying to play it off as an innocent mistake, but, was it?

Michelle

I’m not down with taking it out on the horse that that’s not cool. A horse on a fresh clip, especially when it’s still hot out, is very susceptible to bites and that’s just not cool. I mean, it’s not the horse’s fault that his owner’s a jerk. If you knew you should have put it on, even though she didn’t say to put it on, I don’t know, I kind of feel like that was a jerk move. I just, it’s like playing, you’re putting yourself down at her level. You’ve basically gone from adulting to middle school.

Yeah I think everyone sucks here. l would 100 % move barns. It sounds like this is maybe a lot sort of situation where it turns like, cleaning or be turning out or whatever. I’ve boarded in that situation before, it’s a little more self-care than anything else that we all kind of pitched in. It does sort of see a lot of drama.

Allie

And in that situation, everybody feels like they own the place because like they kind of do, so that can make it extra hard to manage these kinds of disagreements.

So our final story for the day is about a person who wants to know if they would be in the wrong for taking their horse out of public lessons. So for context, this person is very young. We’ll call her Jenny. Jenny is 16 and owns a lovely dappled gray mare. She’s a little older, about 22 but still has tons of spunk and energy.

And while Jenny’s in school, she allows the place she boards at to use her horse for lessons in return for a half board fee, which sounds like a pretty fair deal on its face. So the mare’s doing great with it. She’s mostly helping out with beginner riders and newcomers and the owner is doing the more advanced rides. So the horse shouldn’t be putting put through anything crazy strenuous. It’s not like a bunch of strange children are out jumping her, which is good.

Yeah, so I think we’re set up for success, but unfortunately, a know-it-all child enters the mix during a summer camp that this stable does. This kid’s fake name is Leo. His family owns a barn and he’s been gearing up to ride his own horse. So he comes in like he owns the place.

Michelle

That’s fun. A know-it-all small child.

Allie

Right? So he comes in and says, don’t worry, Jenny, I know how to tack up. I know how to ride. So the owner kind of lets him do his thing because she’s trying to help out with the other kids. And I get that instinct. You might want to take him at his word, but I think if it’s her first time meeting this kid, maybe we should have asked a follow-up question just to kind of test that his knowledge really is there.

Michelle

Right, yeah.

Allie

Yeah, because ultimately what happens is that at the end of Leo’s riding lesson, the owner comes back and starts untacking her horse. She noticed that the horse was kind of upset during the lesson. She just didn’t seem to be acting like herself. And when she untacks the horse, the girth was just incredibly tight and on a way higher setting than usual.

So of course she was snippy and clearly uncomfortable. The kid did not do a good job. And maybe we give him the benefit of the doubt and say, well, he didn’t know what they would normally do for this horse, but I’m guessing he could have picked up on the context clues. All of my girths usually had a pretty clear indication of where they were fastened.

Allie

This kid comes back the next day and wants to get back on the horse, literally. He wants to come and ride his new favorite mare around, but the owner says, no, you can’t do that. Like she’s fine right now, but you’re using way too much force on her. She’s uncomfortable and I don’t want you riding my horse anymore, basically.

Michelle

Yeah, that sounds fair. I mean it’s her horse. I mean if she doesn’t feel like it was well treated with that particular student then I mean I think it would be her prerogative to be like you know I’m fine with you using it in lessons but I really don’t want that kid on my horse.

Allie

Yeah, and I think it’s probably hard for her to feel comfortable with telling this kid who’s probably not that much younger than her that he needs to take a hike, but I definitely think she did the right thing, and it’s way better to do it after the first ride than to let it go on.

Michelle

Right? Yeah. Instead of letting three or four rides go by and then be like, yeah, I’m done with this. Yeah, I totally get that.

Allie

Leo’s mom got all up in the barn owner’s business, told the barn owner to have a talk with the owner of the horse. And they told her that she needs to be more gentle on the campers and she is allowing her horse to participate out of the kindness of her heart, which is nonsense.

Allie

Even if Jenny’s not there riding every day, she knows this horse. This horse has been around longer than she has, so she does know what’s best in this situation. And because of that, she decided that the horse is going back to private riding only and she’s getting pulled for lessons.

Michelle

Good for her!

Allie

The barn owner’s obviously a little mad that they have one less horse for this camp that was going on and one less horse they can use. But even still, the owner needs to, the barn owner needs to respect her wishes by not letting that particular child ride the horse if she, that that child is not, you know, if the horse doesn’t like the child and the child is not being appropriate with the horse.

Michelle

There’s lots of reasons why that relationship might not be working. In this case it sounds like because he’s not a very well-behaved child. And if your child, you know, the owner of this horse who is a privately owned horse, not a school horse, has decided they don’t want your child to ride the horse, then I’m sorry.

Allie

Exactly. As learn in all of these stories, no is a complete sentence.

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