Dealing With the Ups and Downs of Your Horse

by Lizzie Lengling January 06, 2021 4 min read

Dark Bay Horse with Mountain Background



Let me start with, I love my horse! Mira may be quirky at times and make me want to pull my hair out... But we’ve been together for seven years, and for the good and the bad, we’re stuck with each other now! The journey of horse ownership is much like a roller coaster, there are highs, lows, times of progress, and times of going backward. The good and the bad are all part of what makes us horse girls and the low moments make the high moments all that more important.

Before I get ahead of myself, let me back up and give some history. I bought Mira as an unbroke three year old… okay that’s putting it nicely… she was basically a feral three year old. You couldn’t catch, halter, lead, brush, or even really touch her, and in hindsight, she was probably not the best option for me. But she was in my budget and I had high aspirations for our future. 

After I retired Roo (my Hanoverian gelding), I wanted another fancy hunter project that could eventually take me to the big shows (I recently just rediscovered my list of what I was looking for in a horse at that time…  and Mira ticked none of those boxes LOL). Fast forward seven years, a lot of memories, learning moments, and tears later- I accomplished none of those aspirations. I have yet to make it into the show ring with Mira and came to the realization long ago that she will never be that hunter I once pined for. But I’ve also realized I wouldn’t change her for anything and couldn't ask for a better partner!

Dark bay quarter horse jumps, trail rides, and stands on bridges


She may not be the fanciest little thing, but she has a heart of gold (most days… she is a mare after all) and is a pretty great all arounder. But like everyone, we have had some aggravating setbacks. The most recent being this summer when Mira finally starting calling me out on my less than stellar riding moments.

I’ll be the first to admit that when it comes to jumping I am a total ammy and kinda a hot mess. I get all up in my head and obsess about finding a distance instead of just breathing and calmly riding the rhythm. This of course leads me to get in Mira’s way and dropping her at the base of the jumps (chocolate chip are my favorite cookies after all) a little more often than I should. But Mira being the good little girl she is, would bail me out and jump from almost any spot no matter what.

So we dive into this summer, and Mira and I are on a hot streak. We’re starting to progress after a difficult winter and I’ve started putting the jumps up a bit for us (don’t get too excited, when I say bigger, I mean more like 2’6-2’9). Mira is doing great and loves jumping the “bigger” stuff, but then there’s me and surprise surprise, I drop her right at the base of an oxer and she finally says “Haha Mom very funny, but I am NOT jumping from here, you be crazy, that is a big jump”! 

Bay horse refusing jump


So low and behold, Mira started refusing when I would put her in a bad spot. It was 100% my doing and I wasn’t mad at her in the slightest for developing the habit. I was just so frustrated with myself for not being a better rider and leading her to the point where she was like “I am done saving you Mom”. We immediately dropped the fences down and went back to basics, but the damage was done and Mira didn’t feel confident jumping much anything out of a bad stride anymore. Every time she would stop I would get so upset and angry with myself. We had been doing so well but I over faced her too soon and was now reaping the consequences. I felt like we were a failure at the end of every ride and never thought we were going to get to where we were before.

But I’m here to tell you… It’s okay to have bad rides and setbacks because you WILL get back to where you were! It just takes some time. After a bad ride or decision, just remember that these things happen to the best of riders, and horseback riding is a journey full of both ups and downs. Keep thinking positive and take it slow. I went back to itty bitty baby steps with Mira and worked on not blaming myself after every ride. I thought back to where we had been 7 years ago and the HUGE amount of progress that we had accomplished. Gone were the days of teaching her how to pick up her feet without kicking me and what the heck steering was. When I started thinking of things in those terms, our current problems didn’t seem as bad. And little by little, Mira and I both started to gain our confidence back and the stopping became less and less. Not to mention it forced me to get out of Mira’s way and just allow the distance to come up!

Nowadays, the jumps are slowly moving back up for us (but height is not an important factor to me) and Mira is back to her confident jumping machine. I of course still have some cringy riding moments (I am the hot mess express after all) and if Mira is feeling gracious, she will save my butt, and sometimes she calls me out and tells me I can do better than that. It’s a partnership and we try our best to help each other out.

I’ve also learned to accept her for what she is and not try to force her into the horse I wish she could have been. While she may not be that big hunter I originally hoped for, she is a cool little jumper who also trail rides, fox-hunts, events, and secretly wants to be a cow pony. I’m sure as our journey continues we will have more highs and even more lows, but that’s what makes equestrians resilient and helps us grow to become better riders.


Let me know some of your difficult horsey memories in the comments!

2 Responses

Lizzie Lengling
Lizzie Lengling

January 15, 2021

Hi Bianca! I’m so glad my story could give you a little support! I truly understand what you are going through and just remember that we have all been in your shoes at one point or another. Take the little victories and remember how far you’ve come. :)

Bianca H
Bianca H

January 15, 2021

Thank you so much for this story! I really needed to read this today. I have been having some setbacks lately and this story helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your horse is super cute btw!

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